Rating: 2.5/5
Cult Movie Challenge 2018 | 5/52 | Giallo
You must be lonely — it's horribly sinister in here.
Mr. Porter, driving in a sports car, cuts a turn on his way to Soren. He approaches Fred on a motorcycle. He honks and tailgates, pushing the bike out of the way. Enraged, Fred races after the sports car. Both cars stop when they see Laura, a woman hitchhiking. Mr. Porter picks up Laura, feeling her up as he drives. Later, Fred stops at a pub and sees Laura. She laments Mr. Porter’s pushy forwardness, so Fred gives her a ride. As they leave, Mr. Porter tells them something bad will happen, but Fred ignores him. Fred and Laura get directions to Milan from the barkeep. He tells them the old highway is shorter, but it goes through a valley thick with fog this time of year.
A white Volkswagen arrives at Elsa’s. Inside is Mrs. Tremont, the widow to Elsa’s lawyer, and the late Mr. Tremont’s business parter, __. Elsa’s husband, Ernest, is away on business in Soren. He is authenticating a signature for an auction in which Elsa is taking part. He should have returned by now. Ernest calls Elsa, unable to make it for whatever reason. It’s a lie — he stays that night with his lover, Ellen. Elsa’s father died. It changed her into a hardheaded businesswoman who “denies Ernest his conjugal rights.” Elsa lies and says that Ernest’s car has broken down and she has to get him. __ and Mrs. Tremont decide to go with her, following her car in their Volkswagen. That way, they can retrieve the document and present it tomorrow morning.
__ has had a few to drink and isn’t the best at navigating the fog, so he ends up hitting Mr. Portner’s sports car. Elsa stops in the mist as the road ends and a wall appears. The wall connects to a graveyard. A figure in the shadows approaches wearing a chauffeur’s uniform. Another form approaches—an older woman in black. Elsa seems to know who they are and begs them to leave her alone. They chase her out of the graveyard (well, lumbering toward her until she leaves the cemetery). Night falls, and Fred can no longer see the map. They end up crashing at the end of the road. They hear Elsa running through the woods begging for help. The three explore the graveyard, stranded and looking for answers. They discover a path leading to a mansion. There, they find Mr. Porter, __, and Mrs. Tremont, all fog-bound in this mysterious house.
I keep getting the feeling that we're on another planet. Roads that disappear and then reappear again. Others that are suddenly interrupted and…
The film starts with a barrage of plot that feels like it might be important, but we know isn’t. The movie has a tinge of Gothic dread that gradually builds throughout the entire first act. But when we do, it’s stuffy rooms, creaking floorboards, and suits of armor. The score is sparse, but when it kicks in, it’s moody and atmospheric. The stings are brash and sharp, cutting in and out.
It’s an hour in before we get the first kill, but it kicks off a steady stream of mystery and folks running about. You know, that classic horror pattern of leaving all the fun stuff for the third act. A couple of images are quite striking.
This movie won’t excite most audiences. Lord knows I felt boredom creep on at times. But this one is cozy and entertaining, even if its plot is somewhat nonsensical.
** Stray Thoughts / Spoilers **
- For whatever reason, Laura needs to change shirts at the bar.
- They call Milan “Millen”
- ___ never gets a name, as far as I can tell.
- Martha lives at the mansion. Legend has it that vampires drained her family’s blood, and they left the village.
- Martha’s aunt was a witch.
- Elsa had a… strong connection with her father, who was sleeping with a classmate of her’s when he died. She spends most of the movie having flashbacks.
- Mr. Porter seems to have only one thing in mind: getting laid. But he also seems to know more than he lets on.
- Fred wants to get to the bottom of whatever’s going on. He’s got big Fred from Scooby-Doo energy.
- Mrs. Tremont is me—too sleepy to function at most times.