Rating: 3.5/5
Cult Movie Challenge 2017 | 40/52 | Troma
Three Romeo and Juliet adaptations came out in 1996, and this movie is undoubtedly one of them.
Are there any boundaries anymore? Are there any lines that won't get crossed by you generation of freaks?
Cold open to a dead squirrel hanging from a noose, a sign reading “Monty Q Sucks” written in blood pinned to its body. Cut to Times Square, where Lemmy of Motörhead introduces Tromeo and Juliet and their respective families: the Ques and the Capulets. Monty Que and Cappy Capulet used to be friends. Monty ran a film studio called Silky Films, but Cappy took all of Monty’s film rights. He also stole Monty’s wife, Ingrid.
At Axis Body Piercing, Tromeo’s cousin Benny pierces a woman’s nipples. Tromeo waxes poetic about a girl he’s dating named Rosie. He heads home to the Que’s shitty apartment to find Monty drunk on the floor. At the Art Club, Sammy Capulet beats up a guy for making out with his sister, Georgie, and propositions her with some meth in his underwear. Tromeo’s closest friend, Murray, and Sammy get into a fight at Art Club, and Murray chops off a couple of Sammy’s fingers with a paper trimmer.
Tromeo dreams of finding true love, masturbating to a porn CD-ROM where a woman tells him how in love they are and that she wants to marry him. At the Capulet mansion, Juliet strums her guitar, trapped at the house because her abusive father, Cappy, will never let her leave. Though Juliet is a macrobiotic, Cappy has promised her to the king of cold cuts, London Arbuckle. Ness, the family servant, comes by to console her by having sex with her. At night, Juliet dreams of meeting the right man.
The Capulets’ masquerade ball is coming up. Tromeo will be there because Rosie got an invite. Will Tromeo and Juliet find true love? How many ways can Troma fuck with Shakespeare?
The film is absurd, going for the gross-outs and shock value humor—classic Troma nonsense. It’s mostly whatever, but it got a laugh out of me every once in a while. I’ve documented some of the more memorable moments in the Stray Thoughts section below—not necessarily funny, just memorable.
The film occasionally blends in direct lines from the original Shakespeare or modifies them slightly to fit the context. I will give it to the actors: they give lively and knowing readings of the lines. They don’t fit in with the tone of the other dialogue, but changing the circumstances in which the lines are read gives them new meaning.
The soundtrack mixes cheap 90s slacker rock, classical music, and stock Troma cheese. The recurring “Shall we gather at the River?” sting is funny.
Jane Jensen and Will Keenan are both hot and have legitimate chemistry, which helps this movie tremendously. From what I’ve read, the actors waited until after making the movie to have sex so that their scenes would have genuine sexual tension. I love reading the Gen Z reviews of how grossed out they are by the sex scenes.
If James Gunn brings half this energy to the DC Universe, it may be just what it needs to either revive it or finally kill it. Is Sean Gunn in everything he writes?
I was so on the fence with this movie, but through the magic of love and tasteless gore, it won me over. If this movie doesn’t disgust you somehow, may God help you.
Now you fucks have gone too far! Goddamn heads bouncing off of cars while Long Island families are singing "Found a Peanut" — well, he's "found a peanut," alright, honey. He's found a peanut of death!
** Stray Thoughts / Spoilers **
- Juliet’s oboe instructor, Vic, rips a guy’s ears off before pulling his brain out.
- When Benny pierces a woman’s nipples, the camera does an extreme close-up of the nipple being pierced, so you know it’s actually happening.
- Juliet dreams of meeting a handsome man, but his penis is a giant slimy monster with teeth.
- Juliet dreams that she gets pregnant with a bunch of popcorn, and Tromeo rips her stomach open to eat it all. His “MMMMM” sound is so funny. Of course, it’s a nightmare, so it turns into rats and maggots.
- “What light from yonder plexiglass, breaks?”
- “Sesame Street’s good! They got them cute little two guys living in the same room.”
- Murray’s final request is for Tromeo to kiss him. It’s a sweet kiss!
- I love the sparkle effects of the apothecary’s potion working!
- “I’m going to wipe you off the earth like a piece of shit from God’s ass!”
- William Shakespeare laughs like Vincent Price.