Rating: 2/5
Cult Movie Challenge 2017 | 16/52 | The Cannon Group
In the Phillippines, Private Joe Armstrong, a new US Army recruit and nonconformist, drives a military convoy to escort Patricia Hickock, daughter of Colonel Hickock. Down the way, a construction crew forces them to pull over. Armed hijackers emerge from the woods and overtake the convoy. They force Private Madison’s head through a window. Armstrong’s expression doesn’t change. Patricia steps out to complain, and one of the armed men smacks her. Armstrong is ready to kill. Patricia races off to escape but accidentally overturns the car. Armstrong pulls out some punches and kicks. The US soldiers break from their captors and throw punches.
But what’s this in the jungle? A ninja. Nay, more ninjas! They leap down and murder most of the US soldiers. More keep coming from nowhere. Armstrong comes from somewhere, knocks away the ninja’s arrows, and takes Patricia into the woods. She tries to escape as Armstrong drags her through the jungle — you know, because she’s a dumb broad who can’t see when she’s being saved. Ha ha. When she can’t keep up, he breaks the heels off her shoes, splits her skirt, and ties it into shorts. They jump into the river and evade the ninjas.
— Who is he? — I don't know. He's a new recruit. — He possesses great skills.
Back at the US Army base, Colonel Hickock counts the dead bodies coming in. The surviving officers complain about Armstrong and how his heroics got everyone else killed. He asks Corporal Curtis Jackson to explain the bizarre nature of the soldier’s wounds. The leader of the ninjas reports back to his boss, Victor Ortega, and tells of the most sacrilegious being: an American ninja. If they’re whatever criminal thing is to survive, they must stop him.
— Date of birth unknown. Parents, unknown. Next of kin, unknown. — A construction crew found him on an island in the Pacific six years ago, knocked unconscious by an explosion where they were blasting a road through the jungle. Brought back to the United States with total amnesia.
This movie isn’t very good, but it’s pretty funny.
** Stray Thoughts / Spoilers **
- “Have you heard of ninjitsu, sir?”
- Judie Aronson is pulling off the miracle of one-sided chemistry, whereas Michael Dudikoff doesn’t seem to have any way of expressing himself physically or psychologically.
- Colonel Hickock has two pictures on his wall: his daughter and Ronald Reagan.
- I love how colorful the ninja training grounds are. There are so many different-colored outfits for no reason. The poster labeling bones on the grounds is psychotic.
- Steve James is killing it. He’s giving this movie his all and making the film so much more entertaining.
- Armstrong, you got several people killed, but you have sharp moves, so you’re alright in our book.
- “Those guys aren’t amateurs, and neither am I.”
- “Your moves are too perfect—someone had to teach you!”
- Corporal Jackson’s secret dream is to enter the world of wrestling. And who better to be his meal ticket than Armstrong?
- Ninjas, as we all know, are horrible at hide-and-seek.
- Opening a door with a blade — classic ninja move.
- The score hits in places! Part of it sounds like it was sampled for Gorillaz’ “M1 A1,” or this movie stole it from Dawn of the Dead.
- I will never get over someone diving through a glass window to escape.
- Corporal Jackson kicks a gun out of an officer’s hand but then apologizes for it.
- While the man is dying, Armstrong gives him a gnarly kick to the nuts for good measure.
- Woah, this outro is so epic.