Rating: 2/5
It isn’t a René Cardona Jr. movie if the filmmakers don’t kill an animal onscreen. What extortion racket is Hugo Stiglitz running to star in so man Cardona movies? Why the hell is this movie nearly 2 hours long?! There’s an okay movie buried in the deluge of underwater footage.
That said, the close-up of the doll’s face being a heavily-makeuped human baby’s face covered in blood is an A+ decision. The listing in the credits of all the ships that have actually disappeared in the bermuda triangle is an insane choice.
This Rifftrax is one of the funnier they’ve done! Still, as always, plenty of racist, mysogynist, and fatphobic jokes, but some gems as well.
- Diane! Stop sucking down chili dogs outside the Tasty Freeze!
- I’ve never seen a doll like this before! Where’s it’s mustache?
- What would it smell like if Sesame Street burned?
- In Case You Didn’t Know What a Boat Looks Like in the Dark: The Motion Picture
- Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have facial hair to grow.
- Not all the seas are the same—some are too salty!
- I started using a diving bell, but I’ll give this newfangled scuba thing the old college try.
- Ah, underwater scenes. If there’s a better way to spend more time and effort creating something that no one likes, I have yet to hear it.
- Those birds—what about those birds? Those foxy, unforgettable birds?
- Look, guys, up ahead! More water for us to swim through!
- Here they are, the first explorers to discover the Santa Monica pier.
- Oh, why did we bring Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray? All around the world, statues crumble for him! We were fools!
- They haven’t cut to a random animal being slaughtered in quite some time now, and I’m worried the film has lost its way.
- Mayday 39 times in a row!
- Their only hope now is to find a deserted island and devour the two Far Side characters currently inhabiting it.