Rating: 2/5
Oh My Horror 2025 | 8/52 | Aliens
Before the Predator, there was the Humanoid.
NO CHANGE NO HELP NO ESCAPE
In the wilderness of the mountains, a father opens the camper to wake his son so they can go hunting. Darby Hinton plays the son. He played Cody in the classic Malibu Express! The son wants an opportunity to bond with his dad, but his dad wants to hunt. When his father isn’t looking, the son removes the bullets from his gun. The father nearly shoots the kid in the head, But then spinning hairy jellyfish fly through the air like ninja stars and cling to the dad’s face and body, sucking something out of him. When the son picks up his now-empty gun to shoot, it’s too late. A spinning hairy jellyfish gets him, too.
Beth and Sandy meet up with Beth’s boyfriend, Tom, and a boy named Greg, whom Beth and Tom are trying to set up with Sandy. Like every teenage journey in horror, they must stop for gas at a weird country gas station. A bobcat body hangs from the tree. They try to pay for gas and find the place cobwebbed and full of taxidermy. Jack Palance (Joe) comes out of the back, cranky as hell because there are teens in his gas station. The kids mention they’re going to the lake, and Joe warns them in that affectless Jack Palance way. They claim they won’t go. But you know they’re gonna go.
Down at the lake, a cub scout group hikes around. The group leader stops and speaks about leading men like them into the wildness. He pulls out his compass to show its trustworthiness, but the needle is spinning erratically. He finds the father and son’s camper. He looks around for them and finds the gun and one of the son’s books. SPINNING HAIRY JELLYFISH to the back, and the scout leader is down. Meanwhile, the group sees a strange, tall shadow that scares them off.
What is this humanoid creature? What are the spinning hairy jellyfish? Are our teens gonna make it?
Kevin Peter Hall plays the Humanoid and went on to play the Predator, as this movie influenced Predator.
The movie is about the disconnect between youth and adults who cannot figure them out. From the adults, they feel like they’ve tried to prepare their kids for the world, but the world changes around them thanks to their fuckup Boomer kids. They try to warn the kids about danger, but they don’t care—they’ll do whatever they want.
The gore effects are pretty good! The victims have goopy, fucked up faces that look pretty gnarly. The spinning hairy jellyfish look silly, but I think they’re neat.
The movie tries for character moments, but they don’t do much to humanize these paper characters.
Christopher S. Nelson looks like Jeffrey Combs got stuck in an Osmond machine. I don’t know what that means, but I think it makes sense. Anyway, he sucks. Tarah Nutter gets NOTHING to do other than smile and follow Nelson around.
I keep running into Greydon Clark movies. This one looks solid, thanks to Dean Cundey’s cinematography.
Like Uninvited, the title is factually incorrect. Everyone in Uninvited was invited, and the teens went into the woods with ample warning. Also, like Uninvited, this has entertaining moments, but the thread in between leaves much to be desired.
I am Jack Pallance yelling, “Alien!”