Rating: 3/5
Birthday Year Challenge 9 Bullets, Bombs, and Babes: The Raunchy Spycraft of Andy Sedaris
In Hard Ticket to Hawaii, we met the heroes of this series, Agency operatives Donna and Tayrn. With the help of handsome idiot Rowdy Abilene and his assistant, Jade, they took out drug lord Seth Romero and saved Hawaii.
In Paris, Alejandro Felipe Salazar, a businessman with a complicated backstory, receives a message from crime lord Miguel Ortiz. The Agency has killed Miguel’s brother, Luca. Miguel hires Salazar to help him take out those responsible.
Salazar attends an art exhibition at, like, a mall or something and introduces a shitty fish painting called The Picasso Trigger. That also happens to be Salazar’s double-agent code name. He and fellow double-agent Pantera exchange pleasantries, believing their secret is safe. But as Salazar leaves the gallery, he is assassinated.
In Vegas, Ortiz’s henchmen take out Agency operatives left and right. Next stop? Maui.
In Maui, Donna takes a shower while Tayrn changes out of her revealing nightie into swimwear. They leave the boat to snorkel and pick up some samples for Jade. Good thing because Ortiz and his henchmen blow up their boat with a toy airplane.
The Agency calls the Malibu Express in Hawaii, where newcomer Travis Abilene enjoys the family boat. They inform Travis about Picasso Trigger and other assassinations and tell him to come to Dallas, where Pantera will join him.
Halfway into the movie, Donna and Tayrn fly to Vegas in their Molokai Cargo biplane to assist.
So far, this movie is the weakest in the Triple B series. It involves too much traveling, dull conversations, and little action (at least until the third act).
Don’t get me wrong—this movie is silly and entertaining, but it pales compared to its predecessors. Here’s hoping Savage Beach gets back to basics.
** Stray Thoughts / Spoilers **
- Dude, the score has some hooks! We keep the synth work from Hard Ticket to Hawaii.
- Steve Bond’s Travis is the least charismatic of the Abilene cousins thus far. He looks good in a speedo but delivers lines like Ryo Hazuki in Shenmue.
- Samson the cat is so adorable!
- A woman strips down while Travis is making a drink. “Check it out,” she says like she’s showing him a cool trinket.
- The sex scenes in this are not too dissimilar from those in The Room.
- Andy Sedaris shows up for the one comedic bit in the movie, where he sinks a hole in one.
- — Whadaya say we make you an honorary member of the mile high club? — Travis, we’re 7 miles up. — Then we better do it 7 times.
- The Professor gives Travis a crutch that is also a weapon.
- Edy!
- The interstitials are fucking killer. I love the red lines through the white text look. These movies have always had solid graphic design.
- — Didn’t I tell you, Jade? I got a black belt in shotgun.
- The Picasso Trigger theme in the credits is a bop! “Pullin’ the trigger, jumpin’ the gun!”