Rating: 3/5
When in Rome’s The Promise introduces us to Lisa creating tombstone rubbings in Bachelor’s Grove. Later, we watch her get ready for a party. Hairspray, tanning bed, and blush blindness — it’s 1989, baby.
At the party, someone accidentally drugs Lisa. She wanders into Bachelor’s Grove and stumbles across her favorite grave: an unmarried man from 1837, to whom she talks sometimes. She wishes she could be with him before returning home.
A bolt of lightning strikes the grave. Her wish may come true.
The film is a visual feast. It’s more exciting when it references Victorian clothing and early film but the 80s stuff is cute. Every outfit comes from some 80s/90s thing, from Dirty Dancing to Blossom, Madonna to Heathers—a lot of Heathers.
The Creature is an understandable fantasy — a Victorian gentleman who is musically talented and can’t talk, dedicated to your every whim (a back massager scene shows just how dedicated). He’ll be a pre-fab choice for sex bots when those become a thing.
The script is funny, but I have no idea why Lisa does half the things she does. One moment, she’s Winona Ryder in Heathers, another she’s Angela Bettis in May. I see the vision — another Diablo Cody “unlikeable protagonist” (aka a woman with a personality) — but I don’t feel like she comes together in the end.
That said, this movie has so much heart—this scratches an itch that I can’t deny.
Cast Talk:
- Kathyrn Newton is pitch-perfect for these horror-tinged teen comedies.
- Cole Sprouse makes a meal of his mute creature performance, but he could’ve used better direction. His physical mannerisms are mostly Edward Scissorhands.
- Carla Gugino has some of the best lines — her character is a one-note foil, though, and this movie would be more fun without her.
- Liza Soberano nails the vaguely Midwest accent. She gives the best performance of the movie, especially in the back half where things get fucked up. Her jokes got several audible laughs from me.
** Stray Thoughts / Spoilers **
- “No one coddled me when my dad blew up in Da Nang. And that’s why I am who I am today.”
- “How am I going to serve sambuca??”
- Hawking up the worm into the fruit made me so nauseous!
- “When you cry, it smells like a hot toilet at a carnival!”
- — “You know what song she’s putting in that jukebox.” — “[Tearfully nodding] Kokomo”
- How did this PG-13 movie get a silhouette of a dismembered penis pass the censors?
- Nooooo, don’t talk Cole Sprouse!