Rating: /5
Hoop-Tober | 3/31 | Decades 3/10 | 90s
Pink, french-manicured hands cuffed with dozens of sparkling bracelets turn the shower on. As the bleach-blonde hair comes into view, we see our hero, Linnea Quigley, lathering herself up. We watch prolonged shots of her boobs and ass as the credits roll.
Hi, I'm Linnea Quigley. I'm usually the girl impaled on antlers or eaten by zombies in the movies.
Linnea talks about her career and we watch extended clips from the various movies she’s been in. She then goes through a “routine” — more PG ogling than anything.
The whole thing has a budget — there’s a chase scene with a dozen decent-looking zombies — but it’s not a movie.
What about what you do when you watch my movies — you think that doesn't burn any calories?
As a cultural object, it’s pretty singular, so I don’t know how I would rate this. But I can advise anyone who isn’t a diehard 80s horror fan to skip this one.