Rating: 1.5/5
Hooptober 5.0 | 13/32 | Before 1970 4/6
Transylvania, Today A drunk Count Von Helsing stumbles into his hobbit/Bugs Bunny lair. Surrounded by skulls and stuffed animals, he collapses on his cot with a copy of a relative’s autobiography. He read about a case 200 years ago.
A small, bloodied boy enters a funeral to tell the congregants that Vardella has taken his sister. The people gather their torches and run to the caves where Vardella hides. A monstrous hand, inexplicably covered in hair and scales, emerges.
Vardella jumps out, her mouth bloodied, her skin dappled with disfiguration, her teeth barred in a sharp grimace. She claws at what faces she can. They restrain her and take her to the ducking stool. They tie her to the chair and demand she rebuke the devil. Instead, she curses the people and their descendants.
Cut back to the present day, where newlyweds Veronica (Barbara Steele) and Phillip (Ian Ogilvy) are lost in the country. They take a hotel room from a creeper named Ladislav Groper.
Veronica asks about the Draculas, and Von Helsing relishes the opportunity to tell them about the Draculas and Vardella.
Yadda yadda yadda — Veronica and Phillip get in a car accident, driving into the lake. Phillip comes out okay, but instead of pulling out Veronica, they pull out Vardella.
Years ago, I picked up a book of Robin Wood essays. He started discussing the work of Michael Reeves, and I stopped reading immediately because I didn’t know who that was. I downloaded The She-Beast, and now I’m finally watching it. I’ve already watched Witchfinder General, so I need to find a copy of The Sorcerers, and I will have seen every Michael Reeves movie. Then I can read that Robin Wood essay and smile with recognition.
I’m furious that no one told me this is a comedy! It’s not a funny comedy — yet another lazy British attempt at absurdism — but a comedy.
Ladislav Groperis is such a gross character, and I don’t know what purpose he serves. He peeps on Veronica and Phillip having sex, and he rapes his niece because she’s scared.
I don’t know, this movie sucks! I wish I watched it ages ago and forgot about it.