Rating: 1.5/5
Cult Movie Challenge 2024 | 3/52 | Crown International Pictures
Spike and Steve go undercover to infiltrate some group of white men wearing turbans. Spike instantly removes his disguise, revealing a belt with assorted ninja gear and lollipops. Steve sets off bombs he somehow planted. Spike throws ninja stars at the group. Thankfully, no one is firing at them, so they can idly walk to each target.
American helicopters fly in to congratulate the boys on a successful training exercise. Jennifer joins Spike and Steve as the person in charge of communications.
Cue the opening credits of fog, women in leotards stretching, and Spike posing with his sword. I get James Bond vibes.
In Manila, a group of tourists board a tour bus. When the tour bus passes a wedding, guns go off as wedding members strip their disguises and board the bus, taking the bus hostage.
Cheering them on is Blackie Dammett, father of Anthony Kiedis, playing Alby the Cruel. He wears an eye patch, sits in a wheelchair, and pets a small dog. So he must be our Blofeld surrogate.
The US military sends in our team to save the day.
The film is supposedly a parody of spy films. It certainly refers to them. I suspect it isn’t a “parody” — it’s just a silly film.
Spike goes to hire a sex worker:
— I want a clean girl. No clap. — Are you kidding? My girls are sterilized, sanitized, and lobotomized.
That’s the movie’s sense of humor.
I’m not a big James Bond fan, so watching a movie meant to target that market was bound to bore me, regardless.
I’m not hating on anyone who likes this — this just isn’t for me.
** Thoughts / Spoilers **
- There’s a reason that MST3K pulled so many movies from Crown International Pictures.
- We get a training montage of Spike beheading some dummies.
- One villain is a lesbian, trying to get a hostage on the bus to switch sides.
- I guess Steve is the ladies’ man in that he lies about being rich to hook up with Filipino women
- I know Sho Kosugi is beloved for his roles in Enter the Ninja and whatnot, but I’ve only seen him in stinkers thus far :(
- Spike having lollipops with the kids at the end is cute
- “Take Me High” is a banger