Rating: 3/5
Cult Movie Challenge 2016 | 3/52 | Sword and Sandal
At the top of a waterfall, Hercules is doing gua sha or something. He calls for Theseus, who is literally rolling around in the hay with Arethusa. Classic Theseus.
King Lico has paid a group to raid Agardia. Spears fly, swords clash, and boys flip. Hercules throws a wooden truck at the baddies. Once they realize Hercules is there, they skidaddle.
The leader of the raiding party goes to King Lico for payment. He shows them a chest of gold that is definitely normal and not full of hidden swords. Lico triggers the hidden swords and kills the leader.
King Lico calls for Deianira, who rises from a tomb, her eyes dazed and distant, like she ate an edible.
Hercules goes to find his fiancée, Deianira. When Hercules arrives, King Lico tells Hercules that the gods have cursed Deianira to sickness. Hercules’s muscles quiver with anger.
Hercules appeals to Medea, and she tells him to go to Hades to fetch The Stone of Forgetfulness.
So Hercules grabs his boy, Theseus, who has talked Telemachus into breaking off his engagement to Arethusa so Theseus can fuck her some more.
Telemachus, being the much-unneeded comic relief, joins Hercules and Theseus on their quest to Hades and all of the fetch quests in between.
In Hades, the color is psychedelic, and the world has a surreal aura.
The story is overwrought but not tedious.
I like that we get monsters for Hercules to fight. It’s more interesting, even if throwing seems to solve all of his problems.
I’m all for blending peplum and horror. I’ll be on the lookout for more.
Thoughts/Spoilers
- We got a weird stone monster — “You must be longer” is an ominous thing to say.
- A nude woman chained to a wall begs Theseus to save him. A trap, but he’s too horny.
- Theseus, thinking with his dick, rescues Persephone from Hades.