Rating: 3.5/5
Hooptober 9.0 | Decades 3/8 | 1980s
Hollywood, California — city of contrasts! Home to the rich and powerful yet so popular with the broken and destitute. Here sex hunger is reflected in every aspect of daily life, and instant gratification is tirelessly pursued. A center of casual violence and capricious harassment, where rampant vice and amorality permeate every strata of society, and the barrier between food and sex has totally dissolved. It is a known fact that prolonged exposure to just such a psychopathic environment will eventually warp even the most normal and decent among us. This then is the story of Hollywood today. Not a pretty story, but presented here exactly as it happened.
With this monologue, matched with cuts of mailmen murdered by teens and diner patrons adorning root beer floats with ketchup, the movie begins.
Paul Bland (Paul Bartel) works at a convenience store, trying to function as a sommelier to customers of a less refined taste. Paul’s boss fires him for telling a customer not to purchase a wine Paul didn’t like.
Mary Bland (Mary Woronov) is a hospital nurse, dolled up for patient titillation, using vague promises of sexual favors to get them to obey.
Mary and Paul dream of opening a restaurant, but rent increases, and rampant swingers keep them down.
When a swinger tries to rape Mary, Paul kills him with a cast-iron skillet.
— Honey, I just killed a man. — He used to be a man. Now, he's just a bag of garbage.
They take the swinger’s money and realize they have a moneymaking operation — pretend to be a sex worker, kill the john, and take their cash.
Expert con man Raoul catches on to the grift and offers to help them get rid of the bodies for a cut. Little do they know that he’s selling the dead clientele’s cars and their cadavers to a dog food company.
Raoul also reawakens Mary’s libido, starting an affair that is obvious to Paul before it is to Mary. Paul works with a dominatrix he met to push Raoul out of the picture. Easier said than done.
Paul Bartel could see the writing on the wall. That sex in movies was becoming almost blandly commonplace. That exploitation had been adding a little violence to their sex to keep people’s attention. Here, it both criticizes and partakes in the practice. It gives us oddballs, Paul and Mary, whose lack of sexuality is their most disarming feature.
The whimsical and leading soundtrack undercuts the humor. The film doesn’t trust the audience to know when they’re joking. The music cues disappear as the movie continues. Perhaps they’re only there initially to get people on board.
The movie’s destination is obvious. I only wish it got there sooner. The movie’s punchline is not as ferocious as the lead-up would suggest.
Stray Thoughts
- This movie first came on my radar when watching Joe Bob Briggs talk about Mary Woronov and Paul Bartel reprising their roles as Mary and Paul Bland in the movie Chopping Mall.
- I’ve never heard someone being called a “hard-off” before.
- Chez Bland is an amazing restaurant name
- Ed Begley Jr as a hippie is… well, accurate