Rating: 3/5
Hooptober X | 28/34 | Released the year I turned 10
Two kids at a make-out point. Andy negs Mary Jo for her tattoos and piercings. She attempts to go down on him before he snaps her neck, his eyes glowing red. When the police arrive, Andy shoots one of them, and the other cop lets him leave. Dickie witnesses the whole thing, but no one believes him.
I need my fluids.
Newcomer Steve (my boyfriend James Marsden) moves to Cradle Bay, an island community in Puget Sound. His sister, Lindsay (teen horror icon Katharine Isabelle), is excited about the new start. Steve, a human teenager, is less enthused. We learn that an older brother, Allen (Ethan Embry), has died, motivating the move.
Gavin and U.V., two outcasts, give Steve the rundown on the cliques, including The Blue Ribbons, a bunch of do-gooders who are perfection-obsessed. Among them is Andy.
Welcome to Cook's Ridge High. Welcome to my nightmare.
The teachers encourage Steve to join The Blue Ribbons, but he’s focused on the punk-adjacent friend of Gavin, Rachel Wagner (Katie Holmes).
Gavin suspects something is amiss with The Blue Ribbons and attempts to persuade Steve. However, it’s only when Gavin becomes a member and physically assaults Steve that he finally grasps the situation.
— What's the capital of North Dakota? — How the fuck should I know? — Okay, you're cool.
X-Files alum David Nutter didn’t stand a chance against studio meddling. They cut over 30 minutes from the movie and forced him to film a different ending to satisfy test audiences. He wanted an X-Files-style thriller; the studios wanted a Scream ripoff. The result is a solid first act, a rushed second act, and a borderline nonsense third act as the plot jumps from place to place with little to no connective tissue.
But that finale is so outrageous and fun.
Be the ball.
The Blue Ribbons serve as a metaphor for privileged students who are valuable to the school and feel entitled.
The movie also deals with how some families refuse to acknowledge shared tragedy or trauma and how that repression lingers.
The dialogue isn’t bad — it incorporates teen slang without being cringy, which I consider an accomplishment. I’m also of the age where any 90s teen movie with a budget goes down easy.
It also uses Flagpole Sitta, which isn’t fair.