Rating: 3.5/5
Hooptober X | 13/34 | Something is Underground
National Treasure, but make it spooky
As above, so below — it’s said to be the key to all magic. It means that what is within me is outside of me. As it is on Earth, so it is in heaven. As I am, so are my cells, so are my atoms, so is God. Basically, as I believe the world to be, so it is.
In Iran, Scarlett Marlowe, an architect and Ph.D. student, breaks a seal to uncover the Rose Key. She narrowly escapes with footage of all the engravings.
The Rose Key translates alchemy formulas into Aramaic, guiding you to the Philosopher’s Stone. The Philosopher’s Stone is an alchemical tool that can turn rock into gold and possibly grant eternal life.
George, an old friend of Scarlett, knows Aramaic. With his help, they translate the clues. The evidence points to the Paris catacombs as the elusive hiding place of the philosopher’s stone.
George knows a guy who knows a guy that can get them into the forbidden area of the catacombs. They have a trillion opportunities to turn back, but Scarlett won’t stop. They go onward and downward.
Straight away, the movie lets you know it won’t adhere to logic in its filming or character motivations. Scarlett, like my boy Nic Cage, has a sixth sense for conjuring up outlandish conclusions.
The movie makes no sense, but the more it goes off the rails, the more fun I had — I couldn’t stop giggling. This is an awful movie, but I love it.