Rating: 5/5
I picked up photography in college and put a big focus of my degree on it. I decided quickly that the camera doesn’t tell the truth, that it can distort reality and still look like facts, and so much of what I did was try to intentionally lie as much as possible with the camera
But I couldn’t escape the joy that comes from seeing yourself represented, of capturing someone lost in an immortal image, of making placeholders for memories so that bad days don’t seem so bad in retrospect
I ultimately stopped because I couldn’t reconcile the passivity of being the camera holder, who can never exist in a moment. Even with no camera, my mind couldn’t be fully present because it wondered how everything would look as a photo or movie
Still, when I don’t know who I am, I pick up the camera, because it lets me defer that decision and it’s consequences for just a little bit longer. If I turn it on myself for once, who would I see?