Cult Movie Challenge 2018 | 29/52 | Christian Scare
Before there was Left Behind, there was A Thief in the Night.
Keep a sharp lookout! For you do not know when I will come, at evening, at midnight, early dawn, or late daybreak. Don't let me find you sleeping — Jesus Christ — Michael Scott
Patty awakens. She calls out for her husband, Jim, and follows the buzz of his electric razor. But when she enters the bathroom, the razor is on, sitting in the sink. Dismayed, she collapses on the bed. The radio confirms a rumor that, as of 25 minutes ago, millions of people disappeared worldwide. The announcer speculates that an alien has declared war on Earth, or perhaps this is the judgment of God, or the Rapture from the Bible. Like any regular radio announcer, he starts quoting Bible passages, prompting Patty to recall a youth group where the speaker discussed the Rapture.
Cut to a state fair or theme park of some kind. Patty walks with her friends, Jenny and Diane. They discuss what the youth pastor was talking about — Jenny is devout and contemplative, Diane doesn’t care, and Patty reminds her friends that she’s a good-enough Christian but not as intense as that guy. Jenny returns to the youth group to make sure she is saved. The woman she speaks to emphasizes that just reading the Bible and going to church aren’t enough. Sorry Patty! Ya burnt!
Patty and Diane meet some cute boys who take them up in a helicopter. Patty apologizes to Jenny that they met some cute guys, but Jenny is fine — she met Christ, the ultimate dreamy guy! I mean, have you seen those abs? Dude was cut — a slab of hot beef nailed to the cross.
Where was I? Oh, well, the movie follows Patty’s experiences up to and after the Rapture, at which point this movie goes from silly to bonkers.
This movie is so quotable, but if I start using these quotes around town, I’m going to sound like a lunatic.
This shit is wild, dude. I probably find it funnier because of my evangelical Christian past, but I was dying the whole time.
Stray Thoughts / Spoilers
- When I was in high school, I took part in something called Judgement House during Halloween, in which people would go room to room to see the story of three characters: a devout Christian, an unbeliever, and a lukewarm Christian, just like this movie. They would all face some catastrophe and die (one year, we did a school shooting). We’d follow them to the afterlife, where we’d see the unbeliever and lukewarm Christian in hell, then the devout Christian in heaven.
- Amazon Video says this movie is “critically acclaimed.” It’s undoubtedly one of the most distributed and influential movies in American Evangelicalism.
- Is this movie where “I Wish We’d All Been Ready” comes from?
- “Through Christ, you have available to you all the power of heaven to overcome Satan. Isn’t that neat?”
- This movie loves to have a moment where someone says something innocuous, then smash cut to someone saying something sorta similar, but about Christianity. For example: — [Diane talking about her boyfriend] “A lot of the time, he just sits around all day and waits to be called. He says you never know when it’s going to happen.” — [SMASH CUT] — [Youth pastor talking about the Rapture for the millionth time] “No one knows when it’s going to happen. And when they asked him, Jesus said even he didn’t know the exact time. But it’s going to happen.”
- The pastor at Patty’s church is basically like, “Don’t believe the Bible, dude — why would a merciful and loving God create eternal damnation?” And the audience is looking on with disgust.
- — “Your friend is allergic to horse serum, and there’s no commercial medicine available.” — “No serum?! What are you gonna do?! Is he gonna die?!”
- UNITE dresses like the Hitler Youth.
Tags
amazon-primecmccmc2018post-apocalypsechristploitationchristian-scare