Cult Movie Challenge 2024 | 4/52 | Canuxploitation
He leaps and lightly
Walks upon sleep, his mind on the moon.
Nightly over the round world of men,
Over the roofs go his eyes and outcry.
— Ted Hughes
Writer Wilbur Gray (Peter Cushing) is fucking horrified of cats. He believes they are supernatural creatures.
At night, he brings his manuscript about cats to his publisher, Frank Richards. Richards is interested, but not convinced. Gray tells Richards a series of “true stories” to bring him to his side.
As a horror movie, this is a cat-astrophic failure. As a showcase of cute cats, this is top-notch! I loved it!
Thoughts/Spoilers
- The Rank Organization card threw me because I associate them with The Archers
- I giggled at every single cat painting in the opening credits. They’re just little guys!
- I live with a black cat named Baby Baby Baby, so the black cat giving love squints and deep purs in the alley to tense orchestration is a day in the life, my friend.
- Spooked by that fluffy white boy named Sugar! What a nerd!
- I didn’t recognize Ray Milland!
- His proof is that cats talk to each other??
- Sugar is perfect
- Cushing is always good, no matter the part
- My cat was quite distressed by the pile of cat screams
London 1912
The wealthy Miss Malkin rewrites her will to leave her fortune to her cats. Her nephew, Michael, was once the benefactor, but he squandered too much of her money. Malkin’s maid, Janet, is Michael’s mistress and conspires to destroy the revised will. The cats aren’t having it.
This story is a tremendous bore as we watch Janet hide in the kitchen for most of it while cute cats sit about, “threatening” her. Tense music builds as she makes herself a peanut butter sandwich.
London 1912 Thoughts/Spoilers
- “We have a mutual understanding: I scratch their backs, they don’t scratch mine.”
- Susan Penhaligon is so pretty. It’s been nearly 4 years since I saw her in Patrick.
- They pipe in hissing and moaning, but those babies are just chilling
- Oh, that one’s angy :(
- They ate Miss Malkin! Can’t blame them
- Could they not get the actress to lay there and pretend to be dead? The doll stand-in feels unnecessary.
Quebec Province 1975
An orphan Lucy lost her parents in a plane crash. She comes to live with her aunt Joan’s family. She brings her cat, Wellington. Her cousin, Angela, hates Lucy, and her aunt and uncle hate the cat. So they pit the cat down. Lucy also has a book of spells and witchcraft that her mother gave her.
At least this story made me angry. But the ending rules.
Quebec Province 1975 Thoughts/Spoilers
- Wellington is so cute 😭
- Angela is such a nerd. Reading Flash comics.
- “You haven’t got a mommy! You haven’t got a daddy! You haven’t got anybody!” What the fuck, dude
- How exactly does this story make the cat look bad?
- Angela’s plane blowing up sounds massive
- Wellington looked so sad in the back of the car :(
- Wellington makes such funny noises when he runs!
- Fuck yeah, pagan ceremony
Hollywood 1936
Actor Valentine De’ath does a Hammer/Poe-type movie with his wife, Madeleine, in which a pendulum descends to kill her. The pendulum, however, is real and she dies, confounding the moviemakers. De’ath suggests Edina Hamilton as his wife’s replacement. Madeleine’s cat has kittens, and De’ath flushes them down the toilet, so the cat takes revenge.
This story takes a decidedly more cartoonish approach, which makes this far and away the best story in the collection.
Hollywood 1936 Thoughts/Spoilers
- The picture we see just before the story is Donald Pleasance as Blofeld, holding a cat.
- Pleasance is doing his best Vincent Price impersonation, and I love it.
- Samantha Eggar, who plays Edina, is a retired Shakespearean actor. She’s hamming it up in such a funny way — she knows exactly what movie she’s in.
- “I thought I heard a pussy cat!” says Edina.
- De’ath describes Madeleine’s cat as “A vain, empty-head creature.” He is an orange cat, so I believe he is right.
- He calls the cat Scat :(
- Is Edina reading a Tales from the Crypt comic?
- Scat chewing the rope to drop the light is so funny
- His initials are VD
- They try to kill the cat with sardines and cheese in bear traps, saucers of poison, and all sorts of Tom and Jerry-esque lampoons.
- “Cat got your tongue?”